Now Is Not As Once It Was: Alzheimer's Disease

In the shadowed corridors of memory, where the threads of time unravel and intertwine, lies the enigma of Alzheimer's disease. As a caretaker of a husband with Alzheimer's Disease, Judi knows first hand the challenges that come with such a devastating diagnosis. Since his death in 2006, Judith has been leading a support group for others navigating this hard road to help them see the glimpses of life and light along the way, and to know they are not alone. The woven verses below penned by Judi Moon with empathy and reflection, illuminate the poignant journey of one touched by this relentless ailment. Read on as we explore the labyrinth of fading recollections, the enduring spirit, and the profound love that persists in the face of Alzheimer's, offering solace and understanding in the midst of uncertainty.

This Changing Disease

I do not like the way I feel

I'd like to pretend it is not real

But real it is; I must admit

And somehow, now, I'll manage it

This feeling of anger must be faced

With all it's timing to be traced

So that we we see it's root so clear

Is opposite all that I hold dear

I'm angry that I acted bad

In making choices that I had

I'll try next time to think it through

And factor in a love that's true

My love for him must change direction

To be this way was not his intention

His brain has changed; no one to blame

Alzheimer's Disease means we will change

He is changing regardless of his will

I must change because I will

I will treat him with great respect

With every day that we have left

---

A.D.

I have not done my job so good

The way I really know I should

I let emotions cloud the way

Of things to do from day to day

It's hard to be objective when

I want him to still be a friend

A.D. has taken control of us

And Now is not as once it was

---

The Lies

I don't mean to lie to him he's been so long a real friend

I must learn to get into his world although I don't really understand that world

His brain has its own reality he does not share those thoughts with me

He is so sure of what he knows and yet anxiety is what he shows

Yesterday a great peace did abound; today it is nowhere to be found

What caused so gre

at a change to come I do not want that change around

I'll tell him what he needs to hear to help him release each and every fear

I'll tell him that I'll take him home as in the car we drive and roam

I'll tell him that the trip is long so we'll stop at this motel (our home)

Tomorrow after breakfast we'll ride again so soon we'll see his long lost friend

I try to set his mind at ease that will bring my world some peace

My world is centered around my friend I really don't mean to lie to him

The nine year old sees me lie to him she sees us as we manipulate him

H

ow do we teach her lying is wrong when she sees us daily doing this song

She can gently take his hand and somehow he really does understand

Her childlike love communicating to him that she can be a trusted friend

I want to have that way with him

For so long we were best friends

Yet his mind has forgotten those days

And I must learn to change my ways

---

It's Not Her

I want to cry but there is no time

I want to scream but how would that seem

Why can't I adjust why can't I cope

Why do I feel there is no hope

I didn't choose this; I ask why me

The timing's not right; this should not be

She was so smart; she was so alert

She knew just how to soothe each hurt

Now her mind is so mixed up

She calls this pen her coffee cup

How can I stand to see her this way

How can I help what can I say

I loved her so much the one she was

How can I like the one she is

And yet I will find a way

To help this one on this new day

I will because of what she means

To all those memories in all our dreams

The one who is yet

Isn't really her

---

The Illness

I'm so sad I can hardly write his illness is one we cannot fight

The meds slowed the progress for a while but now there's little reason for a smile

Pain is not a problem with which we deal and he really does enjoy each little meal

Cookies and ice cream an extra measure go a long way toward giving him pleasure

Visits with friends bring special joy he gets excited like a little boy

Although after a while he's forgotten their names we know he's happy all the same

Alzheimer's Disease the mystery plight has brought to us days dark as night

It seemed to come so unexpected the whole family has been affected

Highly educated he knew so much and yet with people he's not lost touch

An Old Testament scholar, a teacher of the Word, a professor to those who wanted to learn

The president of a seminary in a distant land; he spoke a language we didn't understand

He groomed and trained young men and women to serve in positions to which they seemed driven

As he lost touch with our reality he seemed to have joy and delight daily

His peace in confusion caused us to question could this disease be to him a blessing

Though he is different we love him still and pray that someday medicine will

Help others be saved from this strange illness that robs the mind that should be blessed

My sadness remains and yet I am joyful

To have known a man that was so faithful

He influenced so many before me

And now he's gone on to his eternity